


acting all wrong

by spacebubble



Series: Quodo Moods Mixtape [4]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Odo POV, no kissing. raw feelings. rough embracing.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 07:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10894473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebubble/pseuds/spacebubble
Summary: Quark's not interested in hearing Odo's attempts to apologize for his behavior during the Dominion occupation. So Odo tries a different tactic.





	acting all wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Set in between "Sacrifice of Angels" and "You Are Cordially Invited...", and inspired by some great quodo groupchat discussion. Mild warnings for death mentions and raw angst.

Odo stares at nothing as he sits in the security office.

He hasn’t seen Quark in days.

It’s been almost a week since the success of Operation Return, almost a week since the Dominion left the station, and Odo hasn’t seen Quark since.

Normally, he would know exactly where Quark was at all times.

And now he didn’t.

Odo couldn’t stand it.

Could Quark possibly be avoiding him?

The computer had said Quark wasn’t even on the station.

Odo’s asked the computer multiple times to confirm and the answer has yet to change.

Somehow Quark has slipped away from him without his knowledge. Before Odo could even apologize for his behavior during the occupation.

Not that any apology could begin to compensate for letting Rom risk execution.

And for what?

A temporary bliss in a fraction of the Link?

Shame floods Odo, sitting hot and ugly within him.

It merges with another feeling, a more familiar and comfortable feeling: a righteous indignation.

Where the hell is Quark?

How could Odo possibly apologize to him if the scoundrel's not even on the station?

 

* * *

 

Odo’s already apologized - profusely - to Rom. Almost immediately as soon as he had the opportunity.

Much to Odo’s horror, it was _Rom_ who adopted an apologetic tone when he informed Odo that he had no idea where his brother had gone.

“But we’re at war,” Odo said. “It’s not safe for him to go off on his own. Are you _absolutely_ certain he didn’t mention where he’d be?”

“S-sorry, Constable, he didn’t. But don’t worry,” Rom said, in a far more consoling tone than Odo deserved to hear - especially from Rom, of all people. “My brother always turns up in the end. He’ll be fine. He knows how to take care of himself.”

 _He most certainly does not_ , Odo wanted to say.

How many times has he had to rescue Quark from some unfortunate consequence? How many times has he had to step in to prevent situations from escalating further?

Countless occasions.

Which made it all the worse when Odo failed in his duties this time, so badly.

And he thought the mountain had been an ordeal.

Silence fell between them as Odo tried to formulate the correct phrases, to marshal his thoughts into a semblance of order, to -

“And he always forgives you in the end,” Rom added.

 _‘Always’ might not apply anymore,_ Odo thought.

He replied with a disbelieving grunt.

“Sooooo... is it okay if I leave now?” Rom asked kindly. “Only there’s lots more repairs to make around the station and all...”

“Of course, of course,” Odo said hurriedly. “Rom, I truly am sorry -”

“You… really don’t have to apologize to me anymore, Constable.” Rom smiled. “Buuuut I’ll let you know as soon as he comes back, if you don’t find out before I do.”

Something about Rom’s cheerfulness made Odo feel infinitely worse as he walked away.

 

* * *

 

Odo can’t think straight.

He’s walked past the bar innumerable times, maintaining his once-daily routine of investigating Quark several times a day, except now there’s no Quark at the bar and no one else he cares to investigate so frequently.

Crime on the station, coincidentally, sits at an all-time low.

While Odo’s mostly aware the downward trend is due to everyone readjusting after the Dominion’s withdrawal, he also suspects it’s because Quark isn’t around to stoke the flames of wrongdoing.

Jadzia, Morn, Broik - all were clueless as to Quark’s whereabouts, and completely useless for his investigation.

Leave it to Quark to disappear without a word during the height of a _war_.

Never mind that the enemy forces had retreated to Cardassian space. Never mind that Quark’s self-preservation instincts, cowardly and utterly selfish, would likely keep him out of true harm’s way.

Odo runs through all the possibilities he can think of that might explain Quark’s disappearance, each one more outrageous than the next.

What if Quark had somehow smuggled himself on a ship to the Gamma Quadrant, to be with that Karemma trade minister?

Hanok, was it?

Odo vibrates with indignation at the thought, and tells himself it’s only because such a visit would have likely involved multiple forms of misconduct.

Perhaps Quark altered the passenger manifests with a false identity, paid off one of the transport ship pilots to cover up his departure.

He should check the station’s logs again, to confirm.

 

* * *

 

Odo’s in the middle of listlessly compiling a criminal activity report when the doors to his office glide open.

“Heard you were looking for me,” Quark says as he steps inside.

“I was. I am.” Odo sits up in his seat, tense with uncertainty. He places the padd on his desk and shoves it aside. “Where have you been?”

“Like you care.” Quark folds his arms.

“I do,” Odo insists. He leans forward in his seat. “You’ve been gone for days.”

“Yeah, well.” Quark scowls. “Needed to get away for a while. I’m only back for Jadzia’s wedding, ill-advised as it is.”

Odo blinks. He had completely forgotten. “Is that occurring soon?”

There’s a long pause as Quark gives him an incredulous stare. “You really don’t give a shit about anyone besides yourself, do you?”

“Quark,” Odo says reproachfully. “You know that’s not true.”

“Could’ve fooled me, _Constable_.”

What used to be an affectionate form of address now sounds so venomous that Odo flinches sharply, as if stung. The reaction doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Oh, you suddenly have _feelings_ now?” Quark asks, and Odo wants to shrink down to the size of a Rafalian mouse. Quark’s hate is palpable and the sound of it fills the air with a bitter, crackling tension. “Where were your feelings when Rom was waiting to die in a holding cell?”

“I’m sorry, Quark, I -”

“My baby _brother_ \- you would’ve let him die because you couldn’t resist the Link?”

It’s not a question that Quark wants him to answer, but Odo tries.

“I’m _sorry_ , Quark, I didn’t _want_ -”

“Do you know,” Quark says lowly, almost eerily calm in his fury, “how hard it was for us after our father died?”

“I… I don’t,” Odo stammers, and all his righteousness crumbles away as he begins to realize the depth of Quark’s hurt. “I couldn’t possibly -”

“And you would’ve let that happen to _Nog_?”

“No, Quark!” Odo leaps to his feet, aghast. “I _wouldn’t_ , that’s not at all what I wanted -”

“Because it was shitty enough mourning my own father’s death,” Quark says, voice breaking, and Odo’s horrified at the sight of angry tears starting to form. “But if you think for one _minute_ I would’ve let my nephew suffer what I had to go through, you’re even more pathetic than I thought.”

Odo feels like he’s been slapped in the face.

Quark never mentions his father’s death, and to hear him say it now, equating Odo with the merciless injustice that robbed Quark and Rom of their father so prematurely, fills him with the deepest shame.

“Quark, I’m so sorry, that’s not - I… I don’t… if you would please just let me _explain -_ ”

“I _won’t_ ,” Quark retorts, and his entire body begins to shake with fury. “You don’t get it and you never will, because we’re lowly solids and you’re a _Changeling_ , you're a _Founder_ ," he says sarcastically, drawing out the name like a vile profanity. "You’re above all of us lowly humanoids with our stupid solid bodies that can’t stop  _crying_.”

And Quark brushes away at his eyes angrily, smearing the eyeshadow that darkens the edges, blurring tears and pigment along his knuckles in a way that arrests Odo with the plain evidence of Quark's anguish.

“I don’t consider myself above you or any other humanoid,” Odo says feebly. “Please, Quark.”

“Oh right, there’s always an exception,” Quark says, and he's laughing as he cries, and it almost sounds like the same thing. “You only bothered getting some sense back in your brainless Changeling mind once your beloved _Major_ was in danger, didn’t you?”

“Nerys wasn’t the only reason, Quark.”

And as much as Odo wants to argue, as strangely comforting as it is to settle back in any kind of dialogue with Quark that isn’t merely him trying to apologize over and over, he realizes they can’t keep going on like this.

“But she’s the only reason you suddenly remembered you had morals,” Quark continues, and Odo wants to contradict, wants to confess so much to this furious little bartender trembling before him, but Quark doesn’t care, Quark keeps speaking without listening to him, and it’s starting to vex Odo beyond all reasoning.

“You’re one to talk,” Odo snaps back, and he knows he’s in the wrong, that he has no justification for it, no real justification, but he needs to do _something_ about Quark’s tirade.

And that did it.

“Oh _really_ ,” Quark says, dripping in sarcasm. “Pray tell, Odo, how?”

“Your weapons dealing scheme could very well have executed _millions_ of people for nothing more than cold hard profit, and now you’re chastising _me_ for being brainwashed and manipulated by my own people?”

For a second, Quark looks astonished.

And then the astonishment simmers into bitter disgust, and Odo realizes he’s miscalculated.

As if he hadn’t miscalculated many times over already. 

Now's not the time to bring up his own pain - it only adds salt to the wound, and Odo can tell from Quark's face that the wound hasn't closed yet.

“I _saved_ millions of people,” Quark tells him, “if you hadn’t forgotten like you’ve forgotten so many other things lately. I helped bring down an arms dealer that had previously gotten away with it, I _acted_ on my morals instead of forgetting them -”

“Only after you realized you were going to be responsible for the massacre of over 20 million -”

“And how many millions do _you_ think the Dominion might have massacred if you hadn’t stepped in when you did? It wasn’t just Rom and Kira’s lives at stake, Odo!”

He falls silent as Quark glares at him through tear-filled eyes.

“Nothing to say, huh, Odo.” Quark wipes at his eyes again, staining his jacket sleeve. “It’s because I mentioned Kira again, isn’t it?”

Odo’s about to speak, but Quark’s not finished.

“Figures,” Quark snaps, voice rising in volume. “You would’ve let _me_ die without a second thought as long as your beloved Kira Nerys was safe, right?”

The wrongness of the statement stuns Odo into silence.

As does the thought of Quark dying.

The mere concept shakes him to his core.

“Quark,” Odo begins, his own voice starting to falter with emotion. Then he stops, words failing him as they’ve failed him countless times.

He realizes there’s nothing he can say that will calm Quark down.

So he begins walking around his desk, and Quark backs away.

“What are you doing?” Quark says, sniffling.

“You’re crying,” Odo replies. “Let me help you.”

“Stay _away_ from me,” Quark snarls.

The request would’ve been more effective if Quark weren’t also choking back a sob in the process.

“No,” Odo says softly, because he can’t think of any other reply.

“Fine," Quark tells him, gritting his teeth. "Then I’m leaving."

And he turns his back on Odo and runs out onto the Promenade.

“Quark!” Odo calls out after him, but Quark’s not stopping, so he chases after him.

He ignores the startled looks from passersby as they weave through the crowds, not caring who he shoves aside in his haste to get to Quark.

He doesn’t have far to run.

Odo grabs Quark by the shoulders and whirls him around so they’re face to face, Quark sniffling and crying, Odo anxious and guilty.

“Let _go_ of me,” Quark sobs, and something about the way Quark can’t bear to look at him - or won’t look at him - makes Odo hold onto Quark even tighter.

“No,” Odo says again.

And he wraps his arms around Quark in a fierce, rough embrace.

Odo doesn’t have much experience in this area, but he doesn’t need experience to know that Quark badly needs something more than what mere words can provide.

He lets his arms hang heavy around Quark’s shoulders, holding Quark close, keeping Quark from running away from him again.

“Odo, _let go,_ ” Quark protests through his tears. His face is mottled with smeared colors and sweat and other liquids, and Quark wrenches his head away when Odo tries to wipe off some of the mess. “Don't," Quark whimpers. "Everyone’s watching."

“Then let them watch,” Odo replies gruffly. He can’t cry but his voice cracks regardless, audibly betraying his emotions, his internal mess laid bare.

Quark’s heart beats against his chest, and Odo feels each minute vibration underneath the skin as Quark trembles in his arms.

“Stop it,” Quark whines, sniffling still, tight and tense. “Odo, please.”

“No.” Odo shuts his eyes and rests his face on Quark’s shoulder, almost nuzzling the Ferengi’s neck. He traps Quark’s arms at his sides as he tightens the embrace. Touching Quark like this makes Odo feel anchored again, like he’s finally regained some semblance of normalcy in his life again, and he clings to Quark even more desperately as a result.

He hears a helpless whimper as Quark squirms against his chest. “Odo, stop! You’re hurting me.”

“Sorry.” Odo readjusts his hold, turning it into more of a tender caress, enveloping Quark with all the care he can muster. “Better?”

“Not by much,” says Quark, but there’s a softer tone to his reply than before. “Think I’m bruised.”

“I’ll walk you to the Infirmary.”

"You don't know how to hug people the right way."

"I don't. But I can learn."

Quark falls silent.

The rest of the Promenade’s noise fades into the background as Odo concentrates on the Ferengi in his arms, vulnerable and fragile and precious to him beyond words.

Odo feels the remnants of Quark's tears drip onto his uniform.

He's a mess. They both are.

Finally, Quark speaks up again.

“I hate you,” Quark whispers.

“I’m sorry,” Odo whispers back.

“I hate you so much.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Quark sighs. He leans into the embrace, sagging against Odo’s chest. “When I told you I hated you on the mountain, and that I meant it?”

“Mm-hmm?”

“I still mean it. Every word.”

“Mmm.” Odo nods. He understands.

He does nuzzle Quark’s neck this time, almost brushing his lips against the underside of Quark’s jaw as he lifts his head upwards.

He rests his forehead against Quark’s.

“You can hate me forever,” Odo tells him softly. “But can you forgive me?”

And he brushes his nose against Quark’s in a slow and tender gesture.

It’s not a kiss, but to a Ferengi, it might mean more than that.

At least, that’s what Odo hopes.

He waits a beat, nervousness slowly seeping through him -

And then, finally, Quark nuzzles him back.

“Maybe,” Quark says.

Odo smiles.

It’s a start.

**Author's Note:**

>  _I'm sorry_  
>  _Two words I always think_  
>  _After you're gone_  
>  _When I realize I was acting all wrong..._  
>   
>  **feist** // so sorry
> 
> p.s. now with an [accompanying illustration](https://soft-galaxies.tumblr.com/post/160649825736/when-i-realize-i-was-acting-all-wrong) :)


End file.
